Intent - Original Version no longer continued
by CrystalIceSweet
Summary: This is the original version of my fic Intent. However, since I'm rewriting the story, I've decided to post it here for those who still want to read it. This version will be funnier because my rewrite is considered more serious.


**A/N: Please read. I'm rewriting this story so it makes more sense. I have added some details not their in the orginal version. The prologue and part of chapter 1 has been lengthened and changed. I'm posting the original version here for those who still havent read it yet And want to. But this version will be obsolete once the new versions come up. **

**There are things in this that doesn't make sense with my new version. im sorry for the confusion. I will be leaving this chapter here for achiving. **

**For or those reading the new version, please skip This chapter.**

* * *

><p>"I think this could be considered stalking, Mr. Stark," Chef Potter said dryly as Tony gave him a shit-eating grin.<p>

It was a Monday afternoon and although the restaurant was still occupied, it was far from as packed as the first night Tony and company had come. Tony found the situation just perfect because it meant that Chef Potter had less to do and more time to talk.

"I'm not stalking you," Tony protested, "I'm here to eat."

"Most of our customers don't bribe the staff so they can visit the kitchens," Chef Potter countered, mouth tightened in to a frown.

"Well Chef," Tony purred, delighted at the opening, "If your staff can be so easily bribed, it probably means that they are not as loyal as you think or that they know you don't really mind me coming to see you."

The billionaire knew he hit the jackpot when Chef Potter's expression turned even more murderous. The young man crossed his arms across his chest and turned his back to Tony; a clear sign of dismal. Any lesser man would have either been offended or take the hint, but Tony was Tony and there was no way he was leaving until he got what he wanted.

"Come work with me," he offered, "Please."

"No," Chef Potter snapped, turning to face him, "I'm not interested."

"Pretty please," Tony repeated, batting his eyelashes like a Victorian-era maiden looking out to seduce some rich lord.

"First," Chef Potter started, "The physical appearance of the please does not change my decision. And second, that thing you're doing with your eyes is really creepy; is there something wrong with them?"

Tony huffed in annoyance as some of the chefs closed enough to them to hear, burst out in laughter.

* * *

><p>"My new invention," Chef Potter said as he placed a plate in front of Tony, "This is to apologize for humiliating you back there, so don't get any ideas."<p>

"Oh?" Tony was delighted, "So you do like me."

"You're old enough to be my father," Chef Potter snapped, effectively shooting the billionaire playboy down, "Eat your bloody cake and get out of my restaurant."

"You know," Tony frowned, eyebrows rising, "That's not a good way to treat your customers."

"Oh don't worry," Chef Potter replied, his tone as sweet as honey, "Everyone else knows that you are an exception."

As he stalked away, Tony was certain he heard the other man mutter something about "stubborn bastards" and "rich people who think they are entitled to everything."

Tony, instead of being offended, just rolled his eyes and turned his attention back to his plate.

Chef Potter's new invention was truly a thing to behold and Tony just knew it was going to be as delicious as it looked. It felt almost like a pity to desecrate such beauty by putting a fork through it.

Sighing, Tony took up his utensil and stared at the cake.

"It's not going to bite, you know?" said a female voice from beside him. Tony looked up right in to the face of a bright-eyed young woman that he vaguely recognized as being there the first time he was here. "Hadrian doesn't hate you that much."

"I'm sorry," Tony grinned at her, "I don't believe we have ever been introduced."

"The names Granger," the woman rolled her eyes, ignoring his charm with practiced ease. "Jennifer Granger."

"Oh?" Tony said, feigning interest, "Please, do tell me about yourself." It wasn't as if he wanted to know, but making nice with Potter's staff was a necessary evil.

"I have a sister named Hermione and parents who are dentists. And that's all I'm saying," Jennifer replied in boredom, "And I have no interest learning about you. Bon appétit Mr. Stark." With that said - pretty sarcastically at that, the girl turned on her heels and disappeared in to the kitchens.

Tony scowled a little at his cake, feeling his appetite suddenly gone. He was really not enjoying being shot down so many times in a row. Being who he was, it was rather a novel experience.

* * *

><p>Clint, of course, found the whole thing hilarious.<p>

"I'm so glad someone is enjoying my pain," Tony hissed, arms crossed defensively in front of his chest like a chastised child.

"You really shouldn't follow him around like that," Steve chided him, a look of disapproval on his face, "He's still a minor so he can easily get the cops called on you. And what would people say if they knew? You're an Avenger now."

"Steve," Natasha interjected, "Stark's whole existence is just a sexual harassment suit waiting to happen, so I doubt people would even blink an eye at this."

"That's so not true!" Tony protested hotly, "The people I flirt with fully consented to it!"

"What about that waitress 3 days ago," said Clint, "You know, the one who slapped you because you looked down her dress."

"That's-"

"Or that high school teacher who kicked you out because you were getting, I quote "way too close to me, you creep" said Natasha.

Tony gaped at them.

"Some friends you are," he snapped, "See if I give you things in the future!"

He will continue of course, but the least they could do was look a little worried, Tony thought

* * *

><p>"Thor's back," said Clint just in time for the God in question to glide in to the room and proclaim enthusiastically: "My Friends! How I have missed you!"<p>

"What's this I hear about you going after children, Stark?" came Loki's snide voice from somewhere behind Thor.

"Loki!" Tony exclaimed, too shocked by the other's appearance to even take offense of his words, "What are you doing here?"

"That's what I would like to know as well," Steve added, crossing his arms across his chest, "Loki, why are you here on Earth?"

Loki made a face that could only be described as pained before answering.

"The All-Father," he said slowly, "decided that I needed to learn more about humanity so that I won't have urges to destroy you all in the future."

Tony snorted.

"You're here on punishment and Thor is your guard."

The look of absolute disdain on the God's face made Tony crack up, holding his stomach as he fell on to the floor, laughing. Making fun of Loki's fate was always amusing to him.

"Why is friend Tony on the floor?" Thor wanted to know while Loki just gave Tony a kick on the leg to get him to stop laughing. The pain wasn't nearly intense enough to convince the billionaire to let go.

"He's gone insane," Clint confided, nodding his head sadly, "Ever since we went to Castle, his already fragile mental state just deteriorated."

"Ooh," said Tony, finally getting up, "Big words for someone with a bird brain."

"And your birth certificate is an apology letter from a condom factory," Clint smirked when Tony just glared back at him, no longer finding the situation so funny.

"Alright boys," Natasha intervened, "Stop fighting. This isn't kindergarten."

"I think that's too advanced even for them," Loki mumbled under his breath as he flopped down gracelessly on to the sofa. "You mortals are so predictable."

"You know," Steve started, bringing everyone's attention on to him. "We should bring Loki to Castle; I'm sure the food there will please even him."

"I doubt any food cooked by mortals will please me," said the trickster god, sniffing in disgust.

"That is a wonderful idea Friend Tony," said Thor, ignoring his brother, "I do not know this Castle you speak of, but I am always open to new things."

"Than it's decided," Tony smirked, "We are going back to Castle."

"Chef Potter should be paid just for having to deal with Tony's bullshit," Clint whispered dramatically to Natasha, making her snort.

Tony, of course, ignored them both. He was actually getting better at that.

* * *

><p>"Oh god, not you again," said Jennifer, eyes wide as he recognized Tony despite the sun glasses he had insisted to put on, "Please stop bothering Chef Potter before I sue you for his own good."<p>

"I'll be your witness," Clint piped up enthusiastically, "I'll even tell the court about all the other times-"

"Clint, shut up," Tony snapped while Natasha tried to cover her giggle.

"Is this the place really the place you were raving about?" asked Loki, stepping forward to look around. Jennifer's eyes turned away from Tony to land on the god.

"Hey," she said, pointing at him, "I know you: You were that crazy guy with that weird costume yelling at people to bow because you clearly have delusions of grandeur."

"I…do not have delusions of grandeur!" Loki hissed, looking pissed beyond words. However, since he did not have access to his powers, he couldn't exactly retaliate.

"Well," Jennifer pursed his lips in thought, "It was either that or you just have a lot of daddy issues to deal with."

Thor had to actually physically restrain Loki from attacking the young woman physically.

Tony burst out in laughter as Steve started to move away from the group, obviously not wanting to be associated with the crazy party. People, he noticed grimly, were beginning to stare.

"You are not as bad as I thought," Tony told Jennifer, grinning like a loon, "Anyone who can make Loki this mad is ok in my books."

Before the woman could reply, Chef Potter made his apparence.

"Jennifer, I heard a commotion. What's going on?"

"Your not-so-secret admirer is here," she said sarcastically as she pointed to Tony. The billionaire just waved back, far from embarrassed.

"Oh?" Thor said, in a booming voice, "Is this the child Loki said you are looking to court? I have to say Friend Tony, he's a little bit young even by your standards."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Tony snapped, turning to face Thor.

"It means you're easy," said Natasha, finally stepping up to take the lead. Her teammates were obviously far from mature enough to even get a table at a restaurant.

Chef Potter sighed in resignation and turned to go.

"Noooo!" Jennifer lamented, "Don't leave me with them."

"The perks of being the boss," Chef Potter smiled sadistically before disappearing in to the crowd of curious diners.

* * *

><p>After 15 minutes of yelling and pushing and threats of law suits from more than 5 patrons (aimed at Tony of course), the group of 6 (Tony, Steve, Clint, Thor, Loki and Natasha - Bruce had declined to come) was finally seated. And to Jennifer's horror, she was tasked to be their waitress for the night.<p>

"It's like destiny," said Tony, because he's a little shit and didn't seem to know when to shut up.

"It's a nightmare," Jennifer moaned and stepped closer to Steve because he looked to be sane one of the group.

"You love me," Tony sing-sung, moving his head from right to left like a child.

"Oh god," said Jennifer, "Are you having a seizure? I'm so not paid to deal with this."

Steve snorted so hard that water came out of his nose.

* * *

><p>Since neither Thor nor Loki knew what to order, Tony ordered for them.<p>

"Two duck specials please," he told Jennifer, who quickly noted them down.

"Duck!" Loki protested hotly, "I don't eat duck. Choose something else."

"You can take the chicken," suggested Steve, voice calm and serene, "It's pretty good."

Loki pursed his lips in thought for a second before nodding in agreement.

"Chicken it is," he told the girl who noted the change. Clint rolled his eyes.

Next, Natasha ordered pasta and Jennifer had barely finished the A before Loki piped up again.

"No," he said, "I don't think I want chicken after all. Give me pasta instead."

Sighing, Jennifer noted down the change.

"You know that the pasta I chose has duck pieces," said Natasha, making Loki gasp.

"That will not do," he snapped, "Give me the chicken instead."

"I'll take the black colored soup," Thor said, point to a picture.

"That's a sauce sir," Jennifer gritted out, "You can't drink that."

"Why not?" asked Thor, genuinely interested.

Natasha sighed as Steve actually face palmed, cursing when he did it wrong and managed to poke his eye.

After the debacle that was ordering, the food finally came.

"Enjoy," Jennifer said as the last plate was laid down. By the look on her face, she was probably wishing they would all choke to death or something.

Loki ignored her and took a big bite of his chicken plate. Tony watched in interest as the god's eyes actually rolled back as he moaned.

"That's disturbing," said Natasha, who was also looking at Loki.

"That's so good," said the God, "What is this contraption?"

"Friend Tony," said Thor in a loud voice, "You did us great favor by bringing us here! We will be coming here as much as possible in the future!"

Tony could have sworn he heard a familiar voice moan: "Why me!?" from somewhere in the kitchens.

"If you guys come back," snapped Jennifer who bent down to give Steve his drink, "I'll be needing regular counseling services."

"I want to meet the master behind this exquite meal," said Loki, ignoring Jennifer's words, "Bring him to me."

Chef Potter reluctantly made his way to the table a moment later, looking like a man heading to his execution.

"Hi honey," Tony greeted him happily.

"Sexual harassment," Chef Potter snapped, turning his attention to Loki.

"Yes, how may I help you?"

"You can help me," Loki started, smirking at Chef Potter, "By becoming my bride."

* * *

><p>Silence fell upon the group as Loki's declaration of intentions registered in people's mind.<p>

"Hey!" Tony was the first to react, turning on Loki with his eyes blazing with annoyance, "I found him first! Find someone else to satisfy your desires.!"

"Oh god," Chef Potter moaned in desperation as Loki's eyebrows shot up in a condescending way.

"As if he will choose an idiot like you over me," the god returned, sneering at the billionaire. Both were so involved in their little argument that they didn't even stop to think how their words may sound to outsiders and what ideas it may give considering the subject of their conversation was a 16 years old boy.

"Does it still count as statutory rape if the minor in question is emancipated?" Hadrian wondered dazedly as he stared at the scene in front of him, unable to move away. There was no way this could end up in anything than complete mayhem and partial destruction of his restaurant. Why oh why couldn't he attract people his own age who are also relatively sane?

"What?" Tony pretended to be taken aback, "An egomaniac with daddy issues? I can see how that's appealing."

The chair skid back a few feet as Loki stood up with a huff, his hair starting to frizzle with his anger.

"Friend Tony!" Thor protested at the same time as Loki hissed: "I...do not have daddy issues!"

"You kind of do," interjected Clint, because he's a bastard whose sense of self-preservation has probably already been beaten out of him considering how many hits to the head he had suffered throughout the years. Being an agent for Shield wasn't exactly the best job choice if one wanted to stay intact physically and mentally. Take Fury for example; he had even lost an eye along with the rest of his already sparse sense of humour.

"Why you little meaningless-"

Luckily, no one got to hear the rest of Loki's insult because at that moment Chef Potter finally had enough.

"Out!" he shrieked, losing all the cool he had left, "Get out of my restaurant and never come back!"

"But," Clint protested, trying to evade the hands of the security guard called over to escort them out, "I haven't even eaten yet!"

"Unhand me, you oaf," snapped Natasha before getting up and stalking away, diners watching her go in awe.

"I'm so sorry about this," Steve apologized sincerely, trying to ignore the thousands of stares piecing through him. He could already imagine the headline the next day.

Clint finally had enough of being manhandled and did a complicated move to escape his captors before making a jump on to the table, sending plates of food flying everywhere.

"Catch me if you can, suckers!" he called as he jumped once more, managing to get hold of the chandelier and swung himself to the exit, 4 burly security officers on his tail.

"You mortals are so uncouth," sneered Loki, getting up as well, trying not to step in any food.

"You see Chef Potter," Tony said, turning to the gaping young man, "If you worked for me, you'll never have to deal with this kind of stupidity."

"Master Potter," said Thor, starting to look a little worried, "Why is there smoke coming out of your ears? And why are you turning purple?"

"Your blood pressure!" Jennifer called, trying to calm Hadrian down, "Please think of your blood pressure!"

Another plate broke as Thor tried to make his way to Hadrian, intending to help.

That was the last straw.

"OUT!"

* * *

><p>"I can't believe you got us kicked out," Tony lamented, looking mournfully up at the front doors of Castle. He hadn't even had the chance to finish his truly delicious meal.<p>

"Me?" Loki gasped, outraged, "It was clearly your outlandish flirting that led us to this fate."

"Flirting!?" Tony turned on Loki, eyes blazing, "You proposed marriage to the guy; on your first meeting might I add! It's no wonder he was freaked out. Not to mention that you have the face of a pedophile."

"What!"

"It's the facial expression," Natasha explained patiently, "That evil smirk of yours make people wary of you."

Steve mumbled something uncomplimentary under his breath.

"Friends!" boomed Thor, "Let's not argue over this little setback. We are all brothers-in-arms, let's get over this and become stronger."

"There was a truly delicious chocolate cake for desert," Tony moaned and almost as if a switch had been turned on, Thor's face darkened as he rounded on Loki.

"Brother!" he hissed, "How could you make me miss chocolate cake!"

"What happened to getting over this?" Loki tried to say when Thor unceremoniously started to shake him. "Thor!"

"Well," Steve said with a sigh, "At least the night can't get any worse."

And that was when a bucket of ice cold water was poured on to them - courtesy of a pissed of Jennifer - who did not appreciate them loitering in front of Castle and scaring off the customers.

* * *

><p>"What on earth happened to you guys?" Bruce asked, eyes wide as he took in their drowned-rat impressions. "Why are you all wet? It's not even raining outside."<p>

"Someone threw water on us," Tony gritted through his teeth before stomping past Bruce. "After Loki got us banned from ever going back to Castle."

"Loki proposed marriage to Chef Potter," Natasha explained as she went past. Bruce's eyes widened a little.

"I miss my cake," moaned Thor as he too disappeared upstairs.

"I should be given a medal," Steve grumbled uncharacteristically as he followed Thor.

"I was the one who was rejected; why are they acting like martyrs?"

And with that Loki was gone as well.

"I didn't even do anything!" protested Clint, looking miserable with his hair plastered to his head. He stalked past Bruce and his footsteps could be heard echoing through out the building.

Bruce blinked.

"Well," he mumbled as he went back to his movie, "I'm so glad I didn't join them."

* * *

><p>"Jennifer?" Hadrian said, "I want you to call my lawyer and inform him of the recent developements. He needs to keep a record when I inavariably sue Stark for the damages he caused - both physical and mental."<p>

"Of course," Jennifer replied, making a note in her agenda, "Should I start the paperwork for a restraining order?"

"Please do," Hadrian answered, "And please do some research on who that creepy pervert with the weird outfit who proposed to me. I need to see if I need to upgrade my security."

"You mean Loki?" Jennifer asked.

"Do you know him?"

The young woman shrugged.

"I saw him on TV once; he tried to force a group of strangers to submit to him by brandishing some kind of weird stick. It was funny."

Hadrian made a face.

"May I congratulate you on acquiring two stalkers in such a short period of time?" Jennifer asked innocently, apropos of nothing.

"Be quiet and get back to work," the Chef grumbled.

Jennifer smirked.

"Yes sir."

* * *

><p>Hadrian's dreams since childhood has always been comprised of colorful landscapes and cheery animal companions. He grew up expecting that every time he closed his eyes and fell in to slumber. So one can understand how unnerving it was when his latest dream landed him in a luxurious hotel room of some kind.<p>

"What on earth?" Hadrian wondered out loud as he moved around, taking in the decor.

There was a ceiling to floor window overlooking the beach, a beautiful king sized bed in centre and a rug under his feet that felt both warm and soft. Sunlight streamed in through the gap between the open curtains. Everything looked positively romantic.

Hadrian suddenly had hives.

"I have a bad feeling about this," he mumbled and was proven right when a very familiar figure stepped in through the open door.

"Hello Hadrian," Loki purred, taking a step forward.

Hadrian shivered in a definitely unpleasant way and took a step back.

"What are you doing here?" He hissed, "This is my dream."

"And I'm just visiting," Loki said simply.

"This takes stalking to a whole new level," Hadrian told him, refusing to let Loki get anywhere near him. "I want you to leave now."

"No can do," Loki said with a smirk, "You're stuck with me now."

Hadrian was about to shout at him when something occurred to him. Despite Loki's intrusion, this was still his dream and that means he can do whatever he wants...except for some reason, pop Loki away.

Smirking Hadrian closed his eyes and imagined. If Loki was going to be annoying, he's going to have some fun first.

He was gratified when he felt the weight of a giant pencil land in his waiting palms.

"What is that?" Loki asked in confusion.

Hadrian ignored him, in favor of making sure he can move it without problem.

Then he took aim and erased Loki's mouth.

Loki's eyes widened as his hands frantically padded his face where his mouth used to be. Hadrian didn't give him time to recover before he drew a pair of fairy wings on the other man. The wings were too big compared to his body and Loki tipped backwards and landed on his back. As he struggled to get up, Hadrian drew diapers over Lokis pants and put a rattle in Lokis right hand. The man's eyes were humongous now, filled with alarm.

"Do you still want to stay and play?" Hadrian asked, genuinely enjoying himself; the smile on his face probably made him look like a psychopathic killer, but he really didn't care at the moment.

Loki shook his head emphatically before disappearing with a pop.

Hadrian smirked, his pencil disappearing in mid air.

* * *

><p>"What's up with Loki?" Tony asked, "The guy has been staring in to space for the past 20 minutes."<p>

"Maybe he had a bad dream," Clint offered before turning to Loki, "Hey Loki, stop being a baby and come over and eat."

The full body shudder he got made his eyebrows go up in confusion.

"Maybe he finally lost it," Clint shrugged, "Not a big surprise with you lot here."

Anything else he wanted to add was cut off when Pepper walked in, looking none too pleased.

"Tony," she hissed, "Why did I get notification that you hired a private investigator to stalk the owner of Castle?"

"What?" Natasha actually looked taken aback, "That's low, even for you, Stark."

"He's a minor!" Steve repeated, putting down his newspaper and staring at Tony with a truly disapproving stare, "A minor!"

"I can't say I'm surprised," said Clint, as if he had any moral high ground after the things he pulled the previous night.

"Why haven't I thought about that?" Said Loki, suddenly looking up from his lap.

"It's not for nefarious purposes I assure you!" Tony protested, trying to look innocent. He wasn't even surprised that Pepper has caught wind of his plan so fast. That woman was on a different level of scary.

"And what is it for?"

"Loki got us banned from Castle," Tony explained, deciding to put all blame on Loki, "I was trying to dig up ways to get back on Chef Potter's good side. Since I know absolutely nothing about him, the investigator is there to help me find a gift. I assure you that's all."

"This is still highly unethical," Pepper snapped, not looking at all impressed by Tony's explanation, "I want to inform you that your investigator has been fired. If you want to get back in to Castle, you will have to find some other way."

With that said, the red-hair turned on her 5 inches heels and stomped away, but still managing to look graceful in doing so.

"Well, that was a bust," said Clint, looking all too pleased with the situation. "What are you going to do now Stark?"

The truly evil smile that overtook Tony's face at that moment actually made him shiver.

* * *

><p>"I'm back," Tony singsung as he nearly danced in to the room, arms weighed down by shopping bags.<p>

"What on earth is that?" asked Clint, sounding absolutely horrified by the pinkness of it all, "Why have you brought those monstrosities here?"

"It's part of my plan," Tony explained patiently as he deposited the bags on to the floor, "If we are going to manage to sneak back in to Castle, we need disguises. My contact within the restaurant told me they can get me a reservation sometimes next week if no one notices who we are."

"Of course you have a contact," Clint mumbled under his breath as Steve took a cautious step towards the bags. "Who are they?"

"Don't know," Tony admitted, "They use a voice changer every time we speak so it can either be a man or woman. I really didn't want to get on their bad side by trying to find out their true identity."

"Why," Steve interrupted, sounding as if he really didn't want to know the answer, "are there only woman's clothing in here?"

"What!?" Loki shrieked, entirely undignified, "Stark, you can't be suggesting what I think you are! That's prosperous!"

"I'm so glad you like my idea, Lokina," Tony told with a sadistic smile as he threw Loki a pretty tame evening gown.

"I refuse to put myself through this farce," Loki hissed, standing up and throwing the garment away. "Without my magic, I will never pass as a woman."

"I don't think this is a good idea," said Steve, trying to sound like the leader he was supposed to be. Tony had just handed him a rather revealing dress along with a padded bra. Completing the outfit was a shoulder length wig. "I mean, my shoulders are way to large to be a woman's."

"You'll just be a masculine woman," Tony said unconcerningly as he turned to Clint.

"No!" cried Clint, moving away from Tony with his arm held protectively around his chest, "I don't care how good the food is; I am not putting on a bra!"

"Oh stop being a baby," Tony snapped, catching the archer by the arm, "It won't hurt…much."

"What do you mean by that?" Loki asked, horrified.

"Well, to be truly convincing, you guys will need a full body wax."

The cries of horrors easily reverberated throughout the entire building.

* * *

><p>"Now," said the woman responsible for their waxings, "Take a deep breath."<p>

"I'm trying," Clint hissed, breath coming in slow, painful increments.

The woman just smiled.

"One, two, three," and she pulled.

"FUCKKKKK!" Clint cried out, tears springing to his eyes and he tried to snatch his arm away; tried being operative word here since the woman had a firm grip on it.

"Now the next one," she said with sadistic glee as she pulled.

* * *

><p>"Oh dear god, this will take some time," said the woman as she took in Thor's tall form. "And a lot of wax."<p>

Thor actually paled and held on to his hammer more tightly then ever.

* * *

><p>"Now, let's establish identities," Tony said, one they were all shiny and hairless, even in places no one would see. Tony was pretty thorough when he wanted to be. "I think Lokina and Thorina should be a lesbian couple. They'll look good together."<p>

"I refuse to be a couple with my own brother!" Loki yelped, jumping away from Tony, "Stark, are you out of your mind! And what kind of stupid name is Lokina! No self-respecting parents would name their child that!"

"Aww," said Clint – who had been dubbed Clintina by Tony – while smiling maliciously, "You're look so cute together."

"A kiss, a kiss," Natasha chanted as she came in to the room, having heard what they were discussing, "Aww, look at that; Loki, you're all smooth."

Loki looked on the verge of a mental breakdown. Thor was foaming at the mouth, as he lay unmoving on the sofa. That full body wax had truly taken a lot out of him.

"Now," Tony said, voice becoming serious, "The wigs may be of good quality but don't tug on them too much. It would be extremely embarrassing if they came off."

"Thor!" Natasha called out, bringing Thor out his state. "You'll be Loki's fiancé."

"When did couple translate to fiancé?" Loki demanded.

Thor's eyes lit up.

"We are finally getting married? That is wonderful news."

"What do they mean by finally?" Clint asked Steve, whose only response was let out a moan like someone struggling for breath.

"I'm so going to get you for this," Loki hissed before jumping when he felt his brother's unnaturally hairless arm land on his bare shoulders. "Get the hell away from me Thor!"

"But sweetheart," Thor lamented, doing a great imitation of a heart broken lover, "You hurt me."

Natasha had, by that time, given up the pretense and was now laughing her ass off.

Tony started humming a song off tune until Pepper entered the room, looking harassed.

"Oh god, what is that terrible sound? Is the fire alarm ringing again?"

Tony stopped humming and Pepper blinked in surprise.

"It stopped," she said in confusion before taking in the scene.

"I don't want to know," she said, "And please keep whatever you are doing down, I don't want that hideous alarm to start again."

Clint snorted while Tony threw her a fowl look

* * *

><p>Jennifer Granger smiled politely as a young couple thanked her for her service before disappearing out the door. It was only 8 but she was already tired beyond belief. She hoped the night will end soon.<p>

"Jennifer!" called out a familiar voice as she prepared herself for the next guests. The young woman looked up in surprise and saw her sister, followed by her parents, entering the restaurant.

"Hermione!" she said happily, "It's so good to see you! You'll still a little early for your reservations."

"We just wanted to see you before eating," Jane Granger explained, "Thank you so much for getting those reservations for me. I thought it was impossible unless you reserved one month in advance."

"Well," Jennifer shrugged guiltily, "I'm actually the one responsible for booking so…"

"Ahh I understand," John Granger assured her with a nod, "I do that all the time."

"Dad," Jennifer said, "You're a dentist."

"And why do you think that horrible Mrs. Tenner never seemed to have time in the evenings?"

"So that's why," Mrs. Granger said dangerously, her eyes glinting, "I had my suspicions, but-"

"Mom, Dad," Jennifer interrupted quickly before Mrs. Granger could strangler her husband, "Please, your table's ready. This way please."

That seemed to calm them down enough for them to follow Jennifer through the crowd of diners to a small-secluded table near the corner. A menu was brought to them along with glasses of water.

The Granger family took 5 minutes before choosing and it was 10 minutes later that the food came out.

"Oh dear god," Jane moaned as she took her first bite, "This is absolutely divine. The duck is cooked to the perfection and the sauce is just on the right side of sweet."

"Can you please call the chef out?" John asked Jennifer, "I would love to congragulate him in person."

"Of course," Jennifer said and turned towards the kitchen.

* * *

><p>Chef Potter came out a while later, looking jumpy as hell, his eyes wide like a little rabbit knowing it was about to get killed.<p>

"Hello," he said tentatively, "I'm Chef Potter."

"You are?" Jane shrieked, "Oh you are just adorable. Isn't he John?"

"Yes," John agreed solemnly, "You are indeed very pleasing to the eyes."

Hadrian took a step back.

"Thank you," he said hesitantly. He took another step back and accidently bumped in to Hermione's chair, making the young girl look up.

Her eyes widened as she caught sight of her face.

"Oh Merlin, you're really Harry Potter!"

"No I'm not," Hadrian protested, his heart starting to race.

"Yes you are," Hermione insister, an almost mad gleam in her eyes, "I had my suspicions when I saw your picture in the press, but I couldn't be sure until I met you in person. Pictures tend to distort faces and all that."

"I'm not!" Hadrian said desperately.

"I know you are," Hermione said, "I'm an expert on everything Harry Potter. I sneaked in to the Headmaster's office two years ago and got a picture of you as a baby. I then pretended to be a family member and got pictures of your mom and dad. I used a algorithm I wrote to combine your mom's and dad's facial features and age the result up to 15 years. You look exactly like that."

"It's a coincidence!" Hadrian protested, "I'm not Harry Potter."

"You must be 16," Hermione continued ignoring him, "Are you living alone?"

"Yes, but-"

"Mom, dad!" Hermione said seriously, "Harry Potter can't live on his own. He's only 16. We have to adopt him."

"Don't make decisions like that on your own!" Hadrian protested, and then added, almost like an after thought, "I'm not Harry Potter!"

"16 and on your own?" Jane turned sorrowful eyes towards him, "You're right; we need to adopt you."

"I'm emancipated," Hadrian took another step back.

"He can have the room next to Hermione," Jane told John, nodding decisively.

"That's a wonderful idea," John said, "Young Harry could be the reaffirmation of our love after 15 years of marriage."

"Don't use me as an anniversary gift!" Hadrian yelped.

"Now," Jane smiled at him, "Do you want to be Harry Granger or Harry Potter-Granger?"

"Oh mom, I think both sounds fantastic," Hermione told her.

And that was the last straw.

Abandoning all pretense of grace, Hadrian turned on his heel and raced towards the entrance, intending to escape this mad house. Except, he froze in horror as he saw a group of the most masculine women he had ever seen make their way inside.

"God," Hadrian said, as one of the women – obviously not used to high heels – managed to topple over, bringing down a table as she fell, "Why does these things always happen to me?"


End file.
